The Dancing Woman

Arik Cohen
Nov 9, 2020

[252 words]

She danced all night. And all the next day. And all the next night. A week later she was still at the club dancing, pouring a glass of water into her moving mouth every hour or so. Her voicemail filled with messages like “Honey where are you?” and “Your office called, they haven’t seen you in a week.” and “I just want my wife back!” and she didn’t listen to a single one.

Instead she danced. For weeks.

On the third week the club staff had worked out a pulley system for squeezing a gel packet of protein into her mouth every few hours. It kept her going.

Her uncle died of natural causes during week five. She never even knew.

On week eight her husband filed for divorce. She signed the papers on one of the slower bangers spun by DJ MillyBoat.

On week 20 the night club started selling tickets to see “The Dancing Woman” in all her glory.

Month 14 is when the state government guided her onto an all-way treadmill. Each step she took transferred raw energy to a generator under the floorboards. With each hour she generated a kilowatt.

Six years later the US of America was off fossil fuels, and depended on The Dancing Woman for 85% of their domestic energy.

That was twenty years ago. Some say she is still dancing today. They say that because she is still dancing today. But only some say it because we all can’t talk about everything, you know?

Drawing by Scott Thiede

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Arik Cohen

Arik is a comedy writer who has written jokes for MTV, BBC, and more. He served as Artistic Manager for the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in Los Angeles.